Time for a catch up...

Hello, and thank you for taking the time to drop by and read my blog. It has been a long time since I posted on here, and it's time for a catch up. When I came back to my blog recently I discovered that I have twenty unfinished draft posts waiting to be published, and I will endeavour to get them completed over the coming weeks, alongside attempting to keep up with my blog with any new stories or thoughts.

It's been a tough six months, with very many downs and not so many ups, I'm afraid. I think this is a really good time to say a very heartfelt thank you to my truly wonderful friends, as they are pretty much responsible for every 'up' I've had during some tricky times. I am extremely lucky that whilst my friends are spread out over the UK and across the waters, they are always there to make me laugh and give me a dose of something magical to keep me going, and I am so grateful to them for their love.

In March last year, a member of my extended family had cocker spaniel puppies, and I became the mummy of one of those beautiful puppies, a little girl called Edie. She joined our family on May 18th last year, and immediately created absolute mayhem and at the same time brought us absolute joy. Stories about her arrival and early antics are the topic of some of my unpublished posts, so I will get them published as soon as I can, but for now I think it's enough to say that having a puppy is just like having a baby, and I am one seriously smitten mummy! My other doggies, Archie and Kiko, and Billie the grumpy old cat, didn't know quite what had hit them when Edie arrived, and I cannot with hand on heart say that they were pleased or excited by the crazy new arrival, but they are all lovely and so very quickly we settled into being a family of seven, with my mum and daughter and I in the minority as human faction of the home! Although only a baby, it was obvious that Edie had all the loving instincts to be a therapy dog, so right from the start she took training classes to make sure she had all the necessary skills and attributes - it was a very exciting time!

In September, I was offered an amazing job at a neurology hospital in Salisbury, which is about an hour and forty minutes from where I live. The employers agreed that Edie would be able to come with me, as she was going to be a therapy dog, and so I decided I would be able to take the job, as the shift pattern was four days on and four days off, so we would be able to stay in my camper van whilst there, meaning it would work out fairly well.



Sadly, on my fourth day in training for the new job, Edie became poorly, and by day five it was obvious that she needed to go to the vets. She went downhill so quickly that by the time we got to the vets, she was a shell of her former self, lethargic and floppy, and hardly responsive. We were warned that evening that she may not make it through the night. It was the worst time I have experienced in twenty years, leaving my seven month old puppy with the vet and not knowing if I would see her again. That night, she had emergency tests, and late into the night the vet called with an unbelievable bomb shell - Edie was in kidney failure, and it was extremely unlikely she would make it through the night. There are no words to describe how we all felt, it was devastating news and all we could do was sit and wait to see if she made it through so that we could see her in the morning. Thankfully, she did pull through. Early the next morning, the vet called to say that she had responded well to the fluids and they had arranged a place for Edie at a specialist doggie hospital in Winchester, where they could work to ascertain what had caused the kidney failure and what might be done to help her.  I went with her to the hospital, and felt immediately reassured not just by the confidence of the staff there, but also by their care for the animals. Aside from the veterinary staff, they have a round-the-clock team of volunteers whose role is simply to cuddle and care for the animals to ensure they are not lonely. Leaving Edie there was utterly gut-wrenching, but I couldn't have asked for a lovelier place.

Edie was in hospital for a week, and as you can imagine, it was a pretty terrible week for us back at home. Her lovely consultant called us every day with updates on their findings, and the nurses also called daily with a report on how she was doing emotionally. It was so reassuring to have so much contact.

Very quickly, it became apparent that Edie had been born with congenital polycystic kidney failure. The nuts and bolts are that her kidneys were not able to function as they should, and the aggressive nature of the cysts were adding to their inability to function. The prognosis then, was a short little life for this beautiful girl, but nobody was prepared to suggest a time-frame as there were so many variables that might affect how she might be. She was given medication to make her feel better is she was sick, and set on a special renal diet. Beyond that, life with Edie was now a waiting game. I knew I was not going to be able to continue with the job in Salisbury. Edie was not going to be able to come with me and I was certain I wouldn't want to be leaving her at home for four days out of eight, so I contacted them and explained that I couldn't continue there.

I'm ashamed to say that I really went to pieces at the time, every time Edie looked remotely calm I went into panic mode, fearing that she was at the end. It was agreed that she would have a new set of tests every six to eight weeks, and sadly, each set of tests has shown massive deterioration of her kidneys, confirming the specialist's view that this was an aggressive disease.  But despite the test results, tweaks in medications, and so on, week on week, she seemed to be growing into a happy (and for happy, read bonkers!) little dog with no notion that she was even remotely ill! As the weeks went on, I started to hope that she might be with us for certain milestones, firstly my birthday at the end of October, then Christmas, New Year, and now here we are in February. As long as she continues to be such an amazing little fighter, next month will see her celebrate her first birthday. I am so proud of her!

First pictures of baby Edie!

Oh my goodness, what an exciting day! Today I visited my friend and met my new puppy, Edie, who is three days old! She is the tiniest, most beautiful little baby you could ever imagine. They are show cocker spaniels, and she is the only chocolate one in a litter of eight. I have to wait until May 18th for her to come to live with me - it's going to seem like a terribly long eight weeks!!! 

Off on my travels: Day 1 of my American Civil Rights Pilgrimage - Arriving in Atlanta, Georgia

We have arrived in Atlanta! And in keeping with my usual standards, my over-excited glee managed to attract the attention of Airport security as we entered the US last night! I received my first stamp in my passport! The rest of my group were able to go through the express line because they are returning travellers, so the gentleman at customs had already pondered whether they might be trying to tell him something and he should put me back on the plane!! When he stamped my passport I said, 'I'm very excited that you're doing that,' and then he started to write over the stamp and I added, 'unless you're writing "rejected"!'

We made it to our hotel, The Peachtree, in Downtown Atlanta. It was pretty chilly here! 

Once we were settled in our rooms, we headed off out to find somewhere for dinner, and finally settled on the Hard Rock Cafe - that seemed a fairly standard thing to do on your first night! 

It turns out that folks in Atlanta are even bigger snow wimps than Weymouthians! Through Friday night, Atlanta experienced a snowfall of around 3mm - and this dominated the news for the whole day, which was fine, but also, EVERYWHERE was closed!! On the plus side, I managed to take some good photos of American streets with literally no people on them!

We began our first day with a walk around Auburn Avenue, which is designated as the MLK historical area because it is Dr King's birthplace, the area where he grew up and where he was a pastor. 




There is a massive Visitor Center incorporated into the area (which was closed) with a walkway and a bright blue pool, and in the centre of the pool, MLK's tomb. This wasn't for me, really. I feel inclined to use the word vulgar, even though I believe the intention - that of offering a fitting tribute to a very inspirational person - is good. I also found that the contrast between the reconstructed buildings and the original church house was too great, though on reflection maybe the design is meant to illustrate his 'humble beginnings to greatness' trajectory. Still, if that's the case I don't think we need the 'greatest' to be so brash. It's a bit like hosting a five-course meal in a castle to commemorate the struggles of a homeless person!  




One part of the Martin Luther King historical buildings I did think was nice was this eternal flame, which burns near the pool where King's body is laid to rest.

In the afternoon we met up with the Winsconsin Eau Clare students and had our first joint visit, to the Museum of Civil and Human Rights in Atlanta. Did it offer a pro-black, one-sided, biased representation of life in America in the sixties? Yes it damn well did and so it should. I am feeling so angry. I imagine I'm having an experience that many Muslims can relate to in the current climate. I am truly ashamed that my fellow human beings could ever have behaved (or in truth, continue to behave in many cases) with such ignorance, violence, with such abhorrent brutality, but more than that I am utterly disgusted that they could ever believe that they represent any aspect of me - my views, my beliefs, my 'superiority', my colour. How dare they. More than ever I understand the hashtag that has begun to surface and picks up pace whenever a terrible event occurs. #notinmyname 

Something else I thought about today is where such prejudice comes from, how it even has even come to exist in the first place. So here's my analogy: If I stole a puppy from a loving family, and I subjected that puppy to violence, unpredictability, sometimes feeding it, sometimes not, sometimes kicking it and beating it, sometimes not, I believe that as that puppy grew stronger and developed the potential to cause me harm, I would come to fear that the puppy would turn on me. And I imagine I would need to become even more aggressive and controlling in order to feel confident that I wouldn't be attacked. And eventually, my fear would turn to resentment, and my hatred of that dog would become all-consuming. Because let's face it, none of us like to have face our demons at the best of times, but especially not when we've created them. Of course, this is day one. I'm sure I'll have an altered view tomorrow.

There was a very effective exhibit at the museum, set out as a lunch counter (presumably to replicate the Woolworths counter at Greensboro). You sat and placed your hand on the counter, whilst listening to a recording through headphones. The recording was so incredibly abusive it genuinely made me feel physically sick, and is making me want to cry even now, the next morning, just thinking about it. Then the sounds of brutal physical attacks going on around you, and you count feel people breathing in your ears as they continue their racist attacks. Thinking about it now, I must have imagined that I could feel their breath as it was an open room and I was wearing headphones, which is weird because I would have sworn it was real. Anyway, the point of the exhibit is to give some sense of the strength of mind that was required to remain non-violent in the face of such brutality, and it definitely did achieve that. I would not ever have been able to do what they did. 

Off on my travels: My American Civil Rights Pilgrimage

Hello! I am writing this blog post at Heathrow Airport as I await my fellow travellers. As part of my American Studies degree, I am travelling to the Southern states of America, often referred to as the Deep South, with four fellow Winchester Students. We are flying to Georgia, Atlanta, where we will meet up with around seventy students from the University of Wisconsin Eau Clare.  I have been looking forward to this trip since I first discovered it was an optional part of my studies, but now that it is here, my fear equals my excitement! This will be my first long-haul flight, my first time outside of Europe, in fact this trip will constitute a number of firsts for me. Visiting America has always been a dream of mine, but for my first trip there to be as part of a Civil Rights Pilgrimage is beyond anything I could have hoped for. 

So, as I wait for my fellow travellers to join me, I am making the most of the airport facilities - USA, here I come!

Update: I have been joined by my fellow students, what a fabulous four we are, and we are ready for our exciting journey! 

Update: I am ready for take-off on the trip of a life-time!  See you all on the other side of the Atlantic! 

Proudest of proud mummies

As I'm sure you're aware, Thursday was A-Level results day, and like many families, we were waiting eagerly for Nelly's results.  I'm pleased to say she did brilliantly and has accepted her unconditional offer to Gloucester uni to study English literature and creative writing!

So Thursday was an emotional day!  I am of course full of pride for my clever and lovely girlie who has done so amazingly well in her exams, but the thought that she will be leaving me to go to university in less than a month is very traumatising!

Nelly's achievement is so much greater than her exam results.  She has autism and works incredibly hard to overcome the challenges that presents.  In particular, she obsesses about studying and places so much pressure on herself that ultimately the pressure is the thing that has in the past prevented her from being academically successful.  There was a time a few years ago when entering an exam hall could make Nelly feel suicidal, and I honestly thought we may never see a day like today.  But thanks to her hard work to overcome her difficulties, she has made it through her exams and is now able to move into this new and exciting phase of life.

To celebrate her success we had a lovely meal at Nando's and spent a night in a swishy hotel in Southampton followed by some retail therapy at West Quay shopping mall on Friday! Today I am feeling utterly exhausted and plan to spend the day in my pyjamas and dozing on the sofa!

Congratulations Nelly, you clever bean! I love you to the moon and back, you make me so happy and proud because you are the loveliest person I know xxx

Shooting stars!

Wow, wow, wow!!!

Last night, Nelly and I blew up a paddling pool and filled it with blankets and cushions so that we could spend a night out under the stars.  Local news reports said there would be an amazing meteor storm, called the Perseid Shower, and it would be at its best over night last night.

I still cannot believe how fantastic it was!  We were literally seeing three or four amazing shooting stars every minute.  It was the most incredible thing I have ever seen and I am quite old!  Apparently every year the earth revolves into the tail path of a comet, and so we see the effects of that in the form of a meteor shower.  However, this year Jupiter's gravity pulled the debris from the comet directly into our path, creating this spectacular show which Nelly and I (and little Archie who slept with us) were able to enjoy.  And I know that sleeping in a paddling pool under the stars might not sound like the smartest idea but actually we were surprisingly warm and comfortable all night and we didn't wake until about 9 this morning, so I thoroughly recommend it!

None of my photos were very good at all, but I searched Google and found this one in the Mail Online. It was taken at Durdle Dor in Dorset:

Tough time for our little man

Things took quite a turn last week after my last post telling you what a wonderful time Nelly and I were having in Wales.  Our poor little Kiko gave a big squeal in the camper-van during the night, and it seemed that he had done something to his leg.  We settled him back to sleep for the night, but in the morning he was in a bad way, crossing his little legs over at the back as he walked, and he was clearly in pain.  I called my vets in our Dorset hometown to make an appointment for as soon as we arrived back home, but their advice was far more urgent than we could have expected.  She told us that what we had described sounded like a spinal injury which would need treatment straight away, plus they would not be equipped to deal with it.  They gave us the number of some where nearer to where we were, a place called Langport.

By then of course, Nelly and I were in a blind panic.  When someone tells you your little baby has a spinal injury, that is not a happy moment.  Nelly was brilliant.  She held Kiko in the van and did all the calling for us while I drove.  This is a much bigger thing than it sounds, her ASD means she really struggles with telephone conversations - even I don't like speaking to her on the telephone!  But she was great, and phoned Langport straight away.  

To our dismay, the reaction at Langport was not what we expected.  The lady we spoke to, whilst lovely, said they were a referral hospital and therefore people couldn't just arrive there with poorly animals.  However, understanding the urgency of Kiko's situation and our difficulty as we were travelling, she took our own vets number and said she would call them and find out what was going on.

When that same lovely lady called us back about fifteen minutes later, she had everything under control, thank goodness!  She had registered us with a local veterinary surgery at Langford, who were waiting for us to arrive and would send Kiko straight to them at the hospital.  She gave us the details for how to get there and was so calm and reassuring - she is somebody whose kindness I will never forget.  

Well, we arrived, and Kiko was seen straight away by their lead vet.  It transpired that Langford is part of the campus of Bristol University because it is a veterinary training hospital.  The staff were amazing.  To begin with the vet felt that Kiko had had a stroke, because it was clear that both his neck and legs were affected.  The neurologist came from the hospital to see him and agreed that was likely, and that was that - our poor little Kiko was whisked off to doggy intensive care, where he would remain for the next three days.

At this point, I'm going to depart from telling you about Kiko, to throw in a little pearl of wisdom which I hope is taken seriously by anyone who ever sat on the fence on this issue - please, please, please, always make sure you have pet insurance.  And don't just take out the cheapest one, either.  Go for the best policy you can afford.  The policy may never be needed by you, and I truly hope it isn't, but I promise you that if there does ever come a time when your little furry friend needs treatment, you do not ever want to have to think, 'I can't help them because I can't afford the treatment.'  I have never been so grateful that I insure all my pets.  I always have.  I'm in my mid forties and I've been a pet owner since I was 18, and I've never needed a policy before.  I'll admit that I have resented signing up for new policies before now, and considered going for the cheapest policy available, but oh my, I am so happy I didn't, because being able to tell those vets, 'do everything you need to' was such a comfort.  Right, that's it, lecture over!  

Well, after an MRI, xrays and every test you could imagine, it transpired that our poor little Bright Prince had fractured his top two vertebrae.  We have no idea how and we will almost certainly never know.  Their little bones are so tiny that the vets say it's a common injury.  But of course, with that news came the worry of whether they would want to operate, a terribly risky procedure on a doggie so little.  But I'm thankful - oh so thankful - to report that they have made the decision to let him heal naturally, and will monitor his progress to see how he gets on.  

So now our poor little Kiko has eight weeks of crate rest ahead of him.  He's allowed out only for cuddles, food and piddle stops.  But he has been home with us now for three days and though he is clearly still in pain, I do think he looks brighter already.  What a terrible time it has been for all of us, especially my poor mummy for although Kiko is a family pet, he is her little baby.  We have nothing but gratitude for the kindness shown to us and our boy during his time at Langford.  As you can see from the picture, Kiko was also full of love for his neurology consultant!

Thank you Langford Animal Hospital, and here's hoping our little man makes a full and speedy recovery.

Wonderful Wales

I thought I'd make a short post because Nelly and I are away in Wales having a truly wonderful time.  Although mum and I come here quite often, as we bring our two doggies Archie and Kiko to be groomed in Caerphilly by an international dog championship judge, Nelly has not been to Wales since she was quite small.  I know it sounds like a long way to travel for a doggie haircut, but Kiko is a rare breed and we can never find anyone local who really knows how to groom him correctly.  Our groomer Martin does a great job and the boys love him, and of course it's a nice excuse to visit beautiful Wales often!   

Anyway, Nelly and I are camping in a village called Caerleon, and it really is beautiful.  Yesterday we had a lovely walk around the countryside and visited the stunning Roman ampitheatre.  Apparently Caerleon hosted the Ryder Cup a few years ago and our campsite looks out over the gorgeous golf course.  

Today we went into Cardiff and spent the day enjoying the beautiful Cardiff Bay.  As I said, this is the first time in quite a few years that Nelly has visited Wales and it has changed dramatically since her last visit.  We paid our respects at Ianto's Shrine (a must for Dr Who and Torchwood fans like Nelly) and had lunch at Eddie's diner, sitting in the booth next to the one where Dr Who (Matt Smith) sat during filming!  We also had a tour of the Welsh Assembly which was fascinating - they are so high-tech compared to England! It was a lovely visit, and we were sorry we didn't have longer, but we had to take the boys to Caerphilly for their haircut!

Our campsite is really lovely, small, quiet site, very well cared for with just the right facilities to be everything we need but not too much, and the owners of the site are really lovely.